Saturday, December 02, 2006

Yarn Man and the Case of the Army of Jpop Rockettes.

Colonel Molson and his pink clad compatriot made their way to the State Police Command post that was set back from the fort made of busses.

“You can put that thing away until your need it.” stated Molson referring to Yarn Man’s .357 Magnum. “And what manic taught you how to use that thing?” asked the Colonel who was sure he was going to regret the answer.

“Jimmy Buffet and Kurt Russel all those Hollywood types are packing heat. In this day and age you never know what kind of evil is lurking around the corner.”

“Like knitting Japanese music critics.” mutter Molson to himself as he pushed open to door on the large RV that function as the Police Command Post.

And the odd pair walked in everyone was crowded around a table at the far end of the trailer. A captain in the State Police turned to see Molson ad nodded for him to join them. Yarn Man’s pink jump suit gave him pause but he had already been warned about him.

“This is what we are fighting Colonel.” stated the Captain as the pair came up to the table.

Laying on the table was a headless little girl in a bright plastic metallic dress.

“They are some kind of Robot. Our small arms and even shot guns don’t work on them. This one got hit by a fire truck. It is the only one that we have managed to destroy.”

“They are Androids, they are much more advance than simple robots. You are going to need something heavy to take them out like 357 Magnus or BARs.” stated Yarn Man getting quite a few looks from the State Cop around the Table.

“Do you mean like Dirty Harry and really big guns from World War Two?” asked one of the cops around the table.

“The only way to put these things down is with a ton of hot lead.”

“And who are you?” asked the State Trooper Captain.

“I am Yarn Man. The only one with the expertise to handle this situation.” the Captain let out a deep sigh.

“You are the expert from Homeland Security.” he said with a note of remorse in his voice.

“That’s right.” proudly stated Yarn Man. Yarn Dog whimpered knowing their credibility was circling the drain.

The Captain looked down at Yarn Dog sensing that he was the brains of the operation.

“And what is the purpose of this attack?” asked another trooper.

“Is there a yarn store in that shopping center?” asked our hero.

“Yes” stated Molson with a long sigh.

“She is trying to wipe out stores that refuse to sell her product.”

“Then why did they attack a housing project, a trailer park and a music store?” asked one of the cops mistakenly looking for a strain of logic in this story.

“It was to throw us off.”

“Of course it is.” stated another disgruntled cop.

“Listen, we can stand around here and debate the situation or we can go in there and take them out.” emphatically stated Yarn Man.
”We have them penned up what can they possibly do?” asked another cop.

As if the cop had been tempting fate they could hear a rumbling from the make shift fortress of armored busses. They turned their attention to a window in the command center just in time to see a small rocket rumble up from inside of one of the busses. The rocket fleet over the mobile command center back down Kimberly Ave. where Yarn Man had just come from.

The groups attention naturally turned to the opposite window to see where the missile was going. After a moment it crashed to the ground with a horrible explosion scattered shrapnel as far as they eye could see.

“Well I hope it didn’t hit anything important.” stated Yarn man as one of the trooper began listening on his radio.

“Sir, the missile hit your jet.” stated the troop with the radio. The Captain snickered under his breath a bit and smirks were traded back and forth.

Molson also did his best not to laugh.

Yarn Man let out a loud whistle grateful that no one had been hurt in the attack.
As he turned back to the group be could see that he had become the butt of a joke with the group.

He smirked to himself and pulled a cell phone out of his utility belt.

“Can you buy one of those things from Batman or do you have a special pink superhero store you shop at?” jested one of the troopers. Yarn Man smiled at him and gave him a nod.

On the other end of the call Yarn Man’s faithful and long suffering Butler, played by Michael Caine. was in the Hot tub.

“Yarn Man’s secret line how may I direct your call.” came over the receiver.

“Are you busy?” asked Yarn Man.

“No just taking a moment to enjoy the Hot Tub with your Sister.”

“Good, I need you to bring another jet to the Quad Cities. Colonel, can I land my Jet on your base?” asked Yarn Man turning to Molson

“It is an Arsenal not an Air Base.” replied Molson.

“Better make it the other vertical take off jet.” stated Yarn Man.

“When you are done making travel arrangement perhaps you can use your Homeland Security Cleared expertise to tell us what is going on here.” grumped the State Trooper Captain.

“Do you mean the F 35?’ replied Caine.

“Yes the F 35.” answered Yarn Man dismissively waving his hand at the Captain.

“Leave it to you to get a perfectly good British Jet destroyed.” jabbed Caine as he pulled himself out of the hot tub.

“Sorry Darling, I have to go.” stated Caine with the phone still to his mouth.

“Which Sister” cringed Yarn Man as a terrible though crossed his mind.

“Alexis of course, I would never mess about in another man’s pond.”

“We will talk when you get here. Don’t kiss her before you leave. Trust me you will thank me later.” exhaled Yarn Man as he hung up the phone.

“You are joking about having an F 35.” muttered Molson as Yarn Man returned to the table with the headless android on it.

“Of course, I am sure you have a whole hanger full of them. Oh, I forgot you are an Arsenal not an Air Base.” quipped the yarnster scoring one for pink clad superheroes every where.

“Actually I do not think anyone in our military has one yet.” replied Molson.

“Well, I do not need Congressional Approval to purchase a jet.”

“Well, that and I am an Army Colonel and not in the Air Force.” continued Molson who was having hand time believing he was having this conversation.

“Right that would explain the green uniform.” stated Yarn Man as he snapped his fingers to get the attention of the entire group.

“You my friends are dealing with one of the most evil people to ever walk the face of the Earth.” dramatically stated our fiber hero.

“I going to have to ask that no one attack their compound. If you do they will simply attack the surrounding area with missiles.”

“Who is it.” snapped the stressed State Trooper Captain.

“Kathy Lee Gifford, Chairman of the Cody Spun Corporation.

Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion of this Yarn Man Adventure. Well it will be the conclusion weather or not it will be exciting depends on your point of view.

Will Yarn Dog get to say something.

Will Yarn Man finally get some respect.

Will Michael get that good by kiss.

Tune in next time to find out. Same Bat Time, same Bat Channel. Well it will be on Tuesday on not Saturday. It will still be the same blog though.

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