Wednesday, January 31, 2007

To the Praying People out There

It was brought to my attention that the daughter of Captains {ministers} in South America had their daughter kidnapped for ransom in South America.

I do not know if it is proper to publish their names in this way, so I will not. I do ask that we pray for her safe return, for strength for her parents and to soften the hearts of her abductors.

I cannot imagine what they are going through. I only hope the God's grace will bring them through it.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Link Here - Fond Farewell to the Punk Rock Knit Girls

Just a couple things. Firstly if your blog links here let me know, I would like to post you. Also link here if you find it entertaining.

Work continues on The Marley. I have made up some icord with fingering weight yarn. I will knit it up Wednesday at the Waterfront Knitting Group.

I did want to breifly lament The Punk Rock Knit Girls going off line. Of couse they have the new Beta Blogger Punk Rock Knitters. Still, it was the first group blog that I joined. Like most knitting groups I have come across they were all female. Also like most knitting groups they were welcoming and freindly. They have also been tolerant of my strange knitting habits.

As the name implies they walk a slightly darker path in the Knitting World. Where I learned to knit we were not even allowed to knit in black. Although I have since then.

I suppose that it is a good thing that they are no longer a girl's club. It means that progress is being made in men retaking their place in knitting. Even if it is milimeter by milimeter.

After I left the circus I stopped knitting in public. I would only knit with the Clowns of my Troop or privately with other knitters I knew. Maybe I am getting older and simply do not care what people think. Or perhapse it was some encouragement from a dark sisterhood of knitters.

I may not be a drinker, still, I will raise a glass of a nice vintage of Roor Beer in memory of the Punk Rock Knit Girls. It is with a heavy heart that I have removed your link from my blog.

I Sometimes Need Direction

I am thinking of using this is the "I knit on Badge" for The Marley. Since most people will be cranking and not knitting I thought this was funny. I am just wondering if I have gone off the deep end this time.

I am still working on the colors and such. This is the general direction that it is taking at this point. I The Marley's name need to be larger and there are several things that should probably be tweaked. Still, I am looking for feed back. Any suggestions even rude one would be helpful.

Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Sunday Knitting

I good day was had knitting at the Knit 1. The usual crowd was there and fun was had by all. Life has been plugging along here.

A great deal of time has been spent working on routines for our spring variety show. We are looking to perform it at a couple of our area Corps. The Brigade has been working very hard and I am pleased with the progress that they have made. For those that know me you know I have been persuing an illusive goal for the last five years that does not appear any closer now than it did five years ago. As part of persuing that goal I gave up my last Clown Troop.

The last nine months that I have been working with the Soildiers and Adherants of Steel Valley Corps have been nice. Well no need to get mushy.

Work continued to progress on other fronts. I am working on a pattern for a wavey scarf. I started knitting a wool version so I could block it.

I will post pictures someday.

Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Viewer Mail

It has been a while since I have answered questions from my loyal viewers. As always I am pleased to share a little bit of the blogging world with the rest of you. I was very surprised by the number of emails from people that were concerned that I was off line. I even had people offering to send me money to buy a new computer. To all of those that made such a gesture I thank you. That was very kind. I am amazed by the connection people feel with one another over this medium.

As a matter of fact a knitter did loan me the computer that I am using right now. I think they would feel funny if I thanked them in such a public arena. Still, I do want them to know that I am very grateful. This blogging thing has become a bit of an addition.

On the up side I have had some very interesting questions since the last time I posted Viewer Mail.

Question 1 - Do you wear a fake beard as a clown or dye your real one? This is odd I had three different people ask me this question. It is my real beard and I dye is with wash out dye.

Question 2 -Can I help knit on The Marley if I don't live in Pittsburgh? This is another question that has taken a life of it's own. We are going to have to turn 200 skeins of yarn into icord using one of these things. When we pick a yarn anyone with one of these can help us. Before anyone rushes out and buys one of these we are still checking to make sure it is the same as the old Magicord Machine.

By the way Bond people why not just make them in hot pink to make sure that no male on the planet buys one of these. The old Magic cord maker is a very manly blue green.

Question 3 - Can you throw knives? I sometimes wonder what kinds of people read this blog. And it questions like this one that make me wonder. Oh and Yes

Question 4 - What kind of Movies do you watch? Hmmm..... In the last two weeks I have watched the following movies Das Boot, Dr. Who and the Daleks, Star Trek Inserection, Star Wars 1, 3, 5, 6, U571, Blade 1, Blade 3, Underworld, The American President, Coma, Dead Bang, Blind Furry, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory {Johny Depp version}, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory {Gene Wilder version}, Rocky Balboa, Swashbuckler, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, A Star is Born, Planet of the Apes, The King and I, and the Disney movie about the kid that goes to live in the woods with his pet racoon.

Question 5 - Did a yarn store ever hire you? No

Question 6 - Are you the guy with giant denim bag full of rainbow colored yarn who used to carry around the bag pipe? I think I am. The bag of denim yarn was The Judy and the bag pipe was my aparatus bag. The ap bag is what I carry my juggling equipment in. And it has been mistaken for a bag pipe many times.

Question 7 - Is your Clown Brigade going to be performing soon? Well we will be at the Knit and Crochet Festival in a couple weeks. I will even be teaching a class there. We are right now in rehersal for a stage show. We will performing it at local churches. I will post a schedule when we have all our dates settle upon.

As always thank you for your question. Email be at or post them on this blog.

Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

Lazy Saturday Knitting

I spent part of the day making up a wavey pattern. I like it thus far, if I still like it tommarrow I will keep it.

Work continues to progress on The Maley design. The Brigade likes one design in particular. As soon as I get my web camera working I will take pictures of the swatches.

I am pleased that I do not have to switch to the new template. I like html. I am probably the only one.

I had a good time at the Friday Knitting Group. They have a good mix of folks at varous stages of their knitting adventure. It is also good to have most of the Brigade out for an evening of fun.

Be safe out there and keep you stick on the ice.

Friday, January 26, 2007


The Blogger let me switch. This is alot faster and does not have the Glitches. Maybe I will not switch to Word Press if this does not crach like the old one.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Looking for new Versions of old Gizmos

The Blogger thing is giving me heart burn with the pictures again.

Progress is being made on the design of The Marley.The plan to use the Bond Magic Cord machine to make the icord. In addition it sort of looks like they still make the gizmo. Going to their web site they do not have this device listed. They do have three other devices that resemble it. So it would appear that they have renamed this device. It should not be that hard to find out.

Just a note the People make them in some manly colors, please. Any way all three machines are fifteen Dollars on their website. So once we have a yarn anyone can knit anywhere with one of their gizmos and the magic of the postal service. And we have to figure out which gizmo took the place of the old gizmo.

I also just had an insaind idea. If I take some of the hooks off the Bond Sweater Machine I could make and icord machine that coule knit worsted wieght yarn. I am not that obsessed to reengineer a couple plastic just to use the Red Heart Mexicana. I wonder where my blow torch is?

Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Off to the Waterfront

I getting ready to head out to the Knitting at the Waterfront. Another fun day of knitting will be had by all. At the moment I am experimenting with a wavy patern. I just wanted to do something with increases and decreases.

Just a note to everyone about The Marley. Ddancer is looking into finding some yarn that has similar atributes to Red Heart Mexicana but in a fingering weight. This would bring the weight down and would allow us to use a gizmo for faster making of the icord.

For those that are far away that would like to work on the Marley you may be able to work on the icord that will go into the knitting of The Marley. With the realization that the first plan for The Marley would weight over one hundred pounds we had to do some rethinking on the design. So it will be a couple weeks for us to get it together but we will.

There is a distrubing trend in the naming of the Long Scarves. It might even be considered a tradition. I just wonder what will happen when people who are yahooing Bob Marley come across this site.

Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Rabbit VS Snake

You see rabbits are getting sick of being ignored
Yay new Savage Chicken

Sunday, January 21, 2007

If You do not Think This is Cute there is Something Wrong With You

I realise it may not be safe having a baby this close to so much Red Heart Yarn. Still this is one brave child. You cannot see it. But she is staring down a wild lion that had gotten loose in Homestead during our Knitting Group at the Waterfront. Right after this picture was taken we all ran for cover and cowered in fear. This baby jumped up and did one of the Matrix Kick things against the lion and knocked him out cold. She then tore him limb from limb and turned him into a rug. You should see this kid's trophy room. Just the other day she was slapping around the new Polar Bears at the Zoo for fun.

Look at those eyes, this child knowns no fear. She was just sad that there were no more wild animals to beat up at the Knitting Group.
You can be safe out there, the Baby Lion Killer is on the case, and keep your stick on the ice.

P.S. She is the Baby and she kills lions. She does not kill baby lions. I don't want to be getting email from the PETA people. There were no baby lions killed in this blog entry. Just an adult lion that had it coming. There were also acouple Hippies wounded and a trucker put in the hospital. They were in line ahead of her at the Starbucks. The Baby Lion Killer is not so into the waiting in lines thing. Hey, I owe her my life, it is not my place to question her.

Back on Line Soon

I have been loaned a computer until I can get a new one. I still need to load some programs. So this will be a shorty entry.

The Judy went out for a stoll on Saturday. We took The Judy to a fashion show at the Galleria in Mt Lebabnon. Everything went well. This is us waiting in the wings.

be safe out there and keepyour stick on the ice

Thursday, January 18, 2007

10,000 Visitors - The Judy's First Performance

My computer is still dead. I think the mother board is dead. Still, if that is true then the hard drive is alright and I didn’t loose any data. This is good. I have been working on a couple books for a while. The back ups are a little old and I would prefer to not have to enter that all back in again. I have tried to switch to Blogger repeatedly when I get near a computer and it still will not let me. Word Press is starting to look good.

I am also having a hard time coming to grips with the fact I cannot read everyone’s blogs.

Moving along I have had some interesting visitor to the blog while I am off line. I have had the first couple visitors from Macedonia and a bunch of people from Poland. I am still fascinated by the way visitors are attracted to a blog. This will also be the first message that the ten thousandth visitor will read when they stop by this blog. I wonder if ten thousand hits in under a year is a good thing.

The Brigade had their last practice before the Fashion Show this Saturday. They have the routine down. There is nothing more that one can ask for. It will be our first performance outside The Army. The grand plan was that this day would come sometime next fall. Well, this is not really a full blow stage production. Still, the first performance outside our comfort zone is a major step for any performing group. And nothing is more outside the comfort zone of a clown troop than a Fashion Show. I hope I can fight the urge to throw pies at Models. At least once a day I really, really, really want to hit someone with a pie. If more people knew that satisfaction that came from hitting someone with a desert this would be a much messier world. I should probably digress from this point.

As far as knitting news goes I am still working on the design for The Marley. No matter how you cut it The Marley is going to take a long time and a lot of effort to make. We think there may even be a way for people from far off lands to knit on The Marley. I have had a few people ask about contributing to The Marley. I think there should be a way for other people to knit on The Marley. I will keep you posted.

I have received some more pictures of the Knitting on The Judy. As soon as I have some more time on line I will update The Judy Blog and there should be pictures of The Judy’s first performance. By the way if anyone is at the Fashion show please take pictures of The Judy and email them to me. I never did get a digital camera and now that I should get a computer I will probably put that off.

Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

My Computer Died

On Saturday my computer died. Until I can save up for a new one I am going to only be able to post when I get to an internet Cafe.

A couple of Quick updates. The Judy Scarf is finished. The Brigade will be giving one last inspection of her this wednesday. Thanks to everyone that helped knit on her. She will have her first performance this Saturday and the Fashion Show in the Galleria at 2:00PM. If you have nothing else to do drop by. In fact if you do have something else to do cancel it and drop by anyway.

The Brigade looks as if we are going to settle on the design for Long Scarf 08 that has been dubed The Marley by Ddancer. This is a scarf knit from icord made on a Wonder Knitter or a simlar device ( we have no settled on that yet). A test swatch with five stitches that is a foot long has been made. The only draw back is that the curretn design will be close to fity pounds when finished and take more than four times the yarn it took to knit The Judy.

The test swatch is in stockenette stich and lays flat because the icord is so thick. Unfortunately one 5 on. skein makes less than a foot long section. If nothing else this is going to be one heavy duty scarf.

I will continue to answer email and other items when I can. Several people have asked me questions. I will get to them in my next entry.

Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Rabbit Day

The Energizer bunny. I miss the Energizer Bunny. He was the best endorsing rabbit out there. There are not nearly enough rabbits in the advertising field. This bunny has been around for a few year and is in a new set of commercials that have started coming out. So be ready for some more Energizer action to come.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Still More Judy Knitting

There is not much time to blog this evening. A full day of knitting was had by all. Not only is the Judy nearly complete, but the 2008 Long Scarf is waiting to be started. At this point the leading contender is a scarf design that has been dubbed The Marley by Ddancer. There are some bugs in the design and it will take three times the yarn to make The Marley that it took to make The Judy. Still, it would be pressing the design limits of knitting in a new and strange way. There will be more details as this insane plan fills out.

Bellow are a couple of pictures of the Judy being knit on last Saturday. Also I promise the cutest pictures of The Judy to date in the next couple days after I have swiped it from the person that took them.

For those looking to knit on The Judy she is almost at her designed length. Even after we reach our goal we will continue to knit on her till Sunday afternoon. You always knit a long scarf longer than you say you are going to knit it. Being that she is knit she will shift in length depending on the weather or how long it has been since she was last washed.

So if you would like your last chances to knit on The Judy the Brigade will be at the Barnes and Nobles at South Hills Village this Friday at 7:30. The Judy and I will also be at the Knit 1 in Squirrel Hill on Sunday at 1:00 PM. Stop by if you can much fun will be had by all.

Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Judy Badge

The Judy Badge is here. The web version of the Judy Badge is similar to the physical version that I am giving out to those that have knit on The Judy. If you have knit on the Judy and run a blog let me know and I will send you the html tag. There is also a Judy Blog. If you would like to post let me know and I will send you an invitation.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

You can email me at
Yay pictures

Monday, January 08, 2007

So Tired Must Sleep

I am getting in late from Hive Knitting. We had a new person and an old friend returning. We also finished two more sections on the Judy. Only 4 or 5 more sections to go. Today was a busy day and I am going to bed.

be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

More Judy Knitting - The Judy Blog

As The Judy is near 80 feet this evening my hands are getting rougher and rougher. Even moisturizing is not doing much for them. Someone emailed me a camera phone picture of Jimmy and I working on The Judy before she broke my Ap Bag. It is tiny but here it is. If any body out there has pictures of me or The Judy being knit on please send them to me. Please send them to me.

I would like to note a couple things. First I have started The Judy Blog. Firstly I have had many people who have worked on The Judy or who have witnessed the working on of The Judy curious about what The Judy could be used for. I am going to gather up all of the pictures I can find and post them. Then when we start using The Judy I will post pictures of her performances. Any one that has worked on The Judy who blogs is welcome to post on The Judy’s Blog. Everyone that knits who has a blog let me know and I will put a link to your blog. I will also have the net badge ready soon. The badge will link to The Judy’s Blog and thus everyone can see the glory of your accomplishment.

We had some family knitting action on the Judy today at Knit 1. A lovely mother and her two children who frequent charity knitting did an entire section on The Judy Today. In case anyone is keeping track they did the 75th, 76th and 77th feet on The Judy. A couple other folks knit on The Judy as well. This will be the final week of knitting on The Judy. At the current rate of knitting on The Judy she will make it in with no sweat.

We will be knitting on The Judy at Hive Knitting on Monday, Knitting at the Waterfront on Wednesday and Knitting at the Barnes and Nobles at South Hills Village. Fell free to stop by and get you last knits in.

The Knit together went very well on Saturday. It looks as if we knit around twenty feet on The Judy on Saturday. This was a little better than I thought we would do. Much food and good times were had by all. LauraG.’s husband even played us some music on a guitar he was thinking about purchasing. When I get some pictures from this even I will go into more detail.

Hard to believe this was the beginning of our little lady around Thanksgiving. What started as a test length with some Red Heart from a frogged sweater has become the first Long Scarf of a new kind of Clown Troop. Odd how things work out.

On other fronts both Brazil and Thailand have stopped by recently and here are their flags so I can post them.

Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

74 Feet and Counting

No time to post. The Judy is 74 feet long. Many many wonderful people helped knit on her today. Many thank see you all at Knit 1 tommarow.

Friday, January 05, 2007

An actual short entry

I am going in late tonight and my Blogger is still acting funny.

There was a bad 5 alarm fire in the city this evening. Keep those folks in your thought and prayers.

The Judy badge is complete. I have finished the pins for the people who have been working on The Judy. I think it is good looking and manly enough to be worn by a group of people who have been knitting a very long rainbow scarf.

Well I am tired. It has been a long day. Be safe out there and keep you stick on the ice.

What Started as a Shorty Entry - You know that is how the first long scarf was made someone was making a regular scarf and things just got complex.

The Blogger gods appear to be mad a t me again this evening. They are not letting me post pictures. And after this post I will once again try and switch. It will probably fail just like it has the last dozen times. Still what choice does one have?

Just some random things about this and that. I have come up with a badge for the people that have been knitting on The Judy Scarf. I made up a bunch of them for everyone that shows up on Saturday for a fun filled day of knitting The Judy and Chicken Casserole. I have not had anyone tell me they are a Vegan or Vegetarian. I wonder if it makes me a sensitive renaissance man since I know the difference between them. Anyway I digress.

I spent the evening cutting out the badges and will stick pins on them tomorrow. I felt very crafty. I do not know why I do not feel crafty knitting. It must have something to do with some sort of deep psychological problem. I suppose I never though of anything that I did in the Circus as a Craft. Maybe when lives depend on your knitting it becomes more important. I am kidding about the lives depending on my knitting thing. I am just being silly. Although if anyone falls through the ice it would be nice to have the Judy along for that one.

There is story they told in the circus about some of our off duty clowns being out ice skating on a pond that some kids were ice skating on. They say that one of the kids fell through the ice and the clowns saved the kid using a thirty three foot scarf that one of them happened to be wearing. I am not sure if that really happened. Still, I did witness an elephant that thought a five and a half foot Chinese man was his mother. That is a good story but I digress. I do have several long scarf stories that will be told too much on Saturday.

When I started this Clown Brigade at my church I thought that it would be a pale facsimile of the “Real Troops” that I had been a part of. To tell the truth it was mostly an excuse to use me rusty clown skills before they completely faded away. It is odd how it has been taking a life of it’s own the last couple months.

After practice on Wednesday the Brigade members wanted to go and visit one of the Brigade members that had not been in church that week. In the six month since I joined this Corps I had not seen one of the people go and visit or talk about visiting someone just to see how they are doing. I am not suggesting that it did not happen or that anyone was cold or unfeeling prior to this. Still, it was good to see the beginnings of this group coming together.

And with the exception of my wife and I this group is composed of the younger adults of this Corps. That is odd, all of the twenty something in this church are members of this Brigade. I am not sure what that means, still, it is an observation I had not made before.

Well I am not sure where that path is going to lead. Still, it will be nice see where it does lead to.

On other subjects preparations for Saturday are going ahead. I have had a few folks confirm they will be and it should be fun no matter who shows. It takes me back to sitting around in a Park in Toronto or leaning against some trailer working on a scarf that would be entire too long to be contained by the mundane life that most scarves are trapped in. Some of the best things in my life have happened to me while I have been working on a long scarf.

Five years ago on a September afternoon in a Field in Shanksville Pennsylvania I was working on an old long scarf that I have never really finished. We were deployed for 9/11 feeding the police and crash investigators. A captain from The Army came up and hit on me and we were married seven months later.

Odd, most remember that as one of the most terrible times in recent history. And it was that. Still, I would not have gotten to know my wife if it were not for those terrible days. I sometimes wonder if I live my live backward. Well I am not sure where that is going either. I should develop a system for mapping out these blog entries to try and keep them on course.

Well if you like come Saturday were are meeting at 10:00 AM. If you need directions email me at 104 East Ninth Ave. Homestead. PA

Hmmmmmmm….. I thought I was going to have a very short entry this evening. And here I am still rambling on. For my Francophile friends I have been listening to an incredible singer an Emilie Simon. I know she has been around for a couple years. Still, her most recent album shows how she is truly come into her own. She even has some English stuff mixed in there. Still, if you are going to listen to her you can’t beat French. All of the Romance Languages are so much more melodic than English. And her song Fleur de Saison is haunting and powerful at the same time. There is depth to it that much modern music is lacking. I only wish that my French was better than the light conversations I am capable of. To write about it you almost need to do it in French to do it justice.

American popular music has really suffered in the last decade. Thankfully we got out of the grunge thing. Still, rap never rebounded from when it slid downhill after Grand Master Flash. And don’t get me started on Britney Spears and that whole group of unfortunate super stars. I suppose we still have Harry Connick Jr. and a few others. Still, where are the Janis Joplins and Jimmy Hendricks.

I mean Emilie Simon has a song about buying flowers for a boy. She sings about being alone and in love with a boy. She is going to buy him flowers because she is so lonely and drawn to this boy that she has to do something to win his heart. Where is that Eminem or Justin Timberlake in that repetitive excrement you call music?

Sorry, that did off the rails a bit. Still, it would be nice to hear some more American Artists singing about something of substance. I suppose I am going to have to wait for the next Neil Young, Eric Clapton or Jewel Album.

Be safe out there and keep you stick on the ice. And thanks for the Prayers.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Bad Blogger

Dag nabbit Blogger is not letting me post pictures again. So no Savage Chicken or Rabbit Day this evening. The Blogger is cruel Mistress.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

So much Knitting I Can't Blog

There was so much knitting to do today that i did not get a chance to blog. Everyone come this Saturday to the Steel Valley Salvation Army for Knitting on the Judy.

Blogger is Being Weird

For some reason it is chewing up the Yarn Man Post. When I figure it out I will fix it. Still the end of the section which is the new part of the story.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Yarn Man and the Case of the Army of Jpop Rockettes

In his home on the beach in Malibu, California mild manner David Arquette is working on his latest knitting project. David feverishly produced a long pink scarf for his new book “72 Pink Scarves Using the Garter Stitch”.“Master Arquette, a crate has arrived for you.” stated a British accent from the corridor. Arquette gently placed his needles on the coffee table and bounded out of the room. Standing next to a large wooden crate was his butler, played by Micheal Caine, and his wife Courtney.David took a pry bar from Caine and began to wrench the box open.“May I ask what you are expecting from Jimmy Buffet? And does it have anything to do with the crate you go from Kurt Russel?” asked Caine who was afraid to ask.“Kurt sent me a couple assault rifles. If Jimmy came through for me these are his special modified surface to air missiles. The Govonator is going to give me an Austrian Tank.” gleefully stated David feverishly opening his box of new toys.“I though I told you there are no weapons in the house.” demanded Courtney. “You can have them in your Top Secret Yarn Stash head quarters, but, not in the house.“I’m sorry baby. I can’t have things delivered to the secret underground caves.”“Have you been trained in the use of these weapons?” asked Caine as Arquette pulled out a small missile.“I went over to Kurt’s house last weekend and shot some Gophers with him and Bill Murray. We used hand grenades.”“David, you told me you were golfing.” yelled Courtney punching him in the arm.“Hey I made a bunch of holes.”“Don’t let him blow up the house.” ordered Courtney as she walked away from the pair.“Hey, you weren’t nearly killed by Elisabeth Zimmerman you don’t understand what evil is.”“No Master Arquette, she only understands strange.” drolly stated Caine as he went about helping David take his weapons down to his secret lair.Half way across the continent in Davenport, Iowa a group of knitting grannies were meeting in a tea house. The clacking of metal needles could be heard all over the small store front. The knitting world was still in shock over the attack in Pittsburgh by Gary Bussey and a six story tall Elisabeth Zimmerman Cyborg. They went about happily knitting their Christmas presents sure that something so horrific could not happen in their small Midwest town.Down Kimberly Avenue on the bad side of town life was going on as usually in the wretched slums of Davenport. Drugs were being sold and hookers plied their trade. On the desolate main drag a pink bus adorned with Japanese Characters pulled up.“Dang where did this whacked thing some from!” exclaimed one of the delinquents on the street.A side door swung open and two small Japanese teens in pink jump suits stepped onto the street. The assembled miscreants begun to giggle and laugh at the teens.“Where are your knitters?” they demanded, the locals only continued to laugh. The twins did not take kindly to laughter.The one on the left retrieved a remote control from her jump suit and hit a couple buttons. More doors on the bus opened and figures identical to the twins in metallic costumes stepped onto the streets rushing the small band of youths…….


On a rather large island in the Mississippi River stood the Rock Island Arsenal directly across from Davenport Iowa. The base’s commander Colonel Don Molson looked out over the mighty Mississippi to the smoldering city of Davenport. The island had already been locked down as reports of an armed militia in the city made the local news media. The Mayor of Davenport had already called the colonel looking for support. He was helpless to do anything, he only has 250 military personal. The rest of his base was made up of civilians who operated the military production powerhouse. He had requested a squadron of fighters and contingent of attack helicopters from near by Scott Air Force Base.“Sir, the Scott County SWAT Team has engaged the force along Kimberly Ave. They tore up a housing project demanding to know where the yarn is.” stated the Colonel’s assistant Lt. Gary as he rattled off the report from the local police.“What kind of transport are they using?” asked the Colonel trying to get a clear picture of the situation.“They are using heavily armored busses. They are decorated in bright colors and have Japanese symbols on them.”The Colonel decided that they were probably not a threat to the Arsenal. Still, why would they attack a Housing Project.“Get my driver and a fully armed squad, I want to see this for myself.”As the insurrection in Iowa continued we return to our Hero as he and Michael Caine installed machine guns on the Yarn Jet. As they went about their work the jumbotron computer screen activated stating there was a priority message coming in.Yarn Man’s Butler played by Michael Caine stood up and walked over to a control council. Typing in a few characters he revealed a dignified Japanese gentleman sitting in a board room.“How can we help you Mr. Chairman.?” asked Caine recognizing him as the Chairman of Clover Needlecraft Incorporated.“Yarn Man, we had a theft last night..”“David Arqutte pulled himself out from under the jet. As any good superhero would he was in full costume while sitting around his secret lair. His pink jump suit clashed with the dark cave as he walked toward the large screen.“What did they take?” he asked allowing his keen investigation technique take over.“They stole a new motorized version of the Wonder Knitter. It is Titanium and capable of knitting 52 meters of icord a minute.”“Wow that must be an incredible gadget.” stated Yarn Man in awe of the new device.“Yes, it is most powerful knitting gadget we have created thus far. We are fearful what might happen if it falls into the wrong hands.”“I will get right on it Mr. Chairman.”“Thank you Yarn Man, you are our only hope.” at that the screen went blank.As Yarn Man began to contemplate where the stolen item might be. Michael Caine began to search for clues on the internet.“Perhaps the Auddi Turbo people stole it to catch up with their competition.” suggested Caine as his brilliant mind looked for possible solutions.“At least the narration had improved in this story.” continued the brilliant British Actor.“Yeah, but should the characters really be able to hear the narrator? question the slightly dull Yarn Man.“Not cool, Dude.” simpered the girly Yarn Man.“I find it is best if you do not argue with the narrator.” suggested Caine with another brilliant deduction.“Well the Narrator does not hate you.” cried our super hero unsure of his masculinity.“You see what I mean.” as Arquette simpered the alarm on the jumbotron went off again.Caine looked over to the screen and hit the button to receive the massage. The screen flickered to life with the image of a police officer standing in a busy squad room.“Yarn Man, I am Captain Leroy Roberts of the Davenport Police Department. We have a situation.”“What is wrong Captain?” asked the pink clad hero.“An army of Japanese Androids are attacking Davenport. They tore apart a housing project and tied up three street gangs with some sort of knitted rope our experts call icord.”“I will be right there Captain.”As Yarn Man prepared to take off for Iowa Colonel Molson and his troops arrived near where the Android Army had first attacked. The street had been torn up and the destruction centered around a record store.The Colonel walked toward the record store that was surrounded by debris and destroyed cars. Paramedics were cutting down the last of the gang members and victims. As he walked toward the record store he picked up something that first appeared to be rope. Upon closer inspection it was something knit out of wire. Flanked by well armed troops he entered the destroyed shop.The store’s owner sat crying in his hands as and EMT tried to calm him down. Above the desk were the remnants of the wire used to tie him up.“What happened here?” demanded the Colonel. The distraught store owner looked up.“I don’t know man. These little Japanese girls came in here and started tearing up the Hip Hop Section. They used a flame thrower on the Country Music section and tied me up. They sang me a song and left those CDs.The Colonel picked up one of the CDs. It said it was from a group named Morning Musume. The Colonel couldn’t read Japanese, still, it was clear that it was a Japanese girl band.“What could they possibly want?” He murmured to himself.


As Colonel Molson discussed the crime scene with a Davenport Police officer they heard a rumbling from overhead. Instinctively Molson looked toward a jet as it slowly descended vertically in a parking lot yards from where he was standing. He instantly recognized it as a modified Harrier Jump Jet. Instead of the Marine Corps marking he knew a bright aquamarine “YM” was painted across the jet’s pink tail fin.“What in San Juan Hill is that?” grumped the Colonel as he stopped toward the jet.As the Colonel made it to the curb the canopy on the jet slid open and man clad in pink with an aquamarine mask climbed down a ladder that flopped out from a hidden compartment.As he reached the ground a golden retriever stuck her head out of the cock pit and looked down at her master. Yarn man extended his arm and Yarn dog jumped down to him. As Yarn Man placed his dog on the ground Colonel Molson was tapping him in the shoulder.“What and the hell are you?”“Yarn Man and this is my faithful side kick Yarn Dog.” stated Yarn Man with a broad smile extending his hand to the Colonel.“Son what exactly is wrong with you?” asked Molson looking over his outfit.“Dude, check with Homeland Security I am supposed to be here.”“This is the yarn expert?” asked the Colonel looking to the plain clothes detective from the Davenport Police department.The detective nodded in the affirmative and Molson turned back to Yarn Man.“What can you tell us about this?” asked the Colonel reluctantly.At that Yarn dog ran across the side walk and over to a hunk of wire in the street. Yarn man quickly followed picking up the piece of wire when he got there.“Your right Yarn Dog, this is made on the Titanium Wonder Knitter.”“What is a wonder knitter?” As the Colonel as he followed Yarn Man“It is a top secret knitting device stolen from the Clover Needlecraft Corporation. I was told there were some Morning Musume CDs left behind.”“Yes the two leaders appear to be members of this group.” stated the colonel.“It is a smoke screen.” stated Yarn Man.“This is one involved smoke screen.”“Yes, where is the Jpop army now?” asked Yarn Man looking at the billowing smoke from down the street.“They are a mile down this road. They have set up a defensive position in a strip mall. They have thirty busses that have converged on that position. The local police appear to have them cornered.”“Do you have transport?” asked Yarn Man.The Colonel nodded and gestured over to a Humvee.“And why does Homeland Security allow a loonie in pink out fit to fly around the country in a Harrier?”“Because there are evil forces out there trying to take over the knitting world.”“No offence son, but are you smoking something?” asked the Colonel as he got in the back of his Hummer.“Were are the rest of your troops?” asked Yarn Man as he let Yarn Dog into the Hummer.“I command the Rock Island Arsenal. I only have 250 troops. Besides it is illegal for the Armed Forces to operate within U.S. territory without a Presidential Order.” stated the Colonel as the Hummer began down the half destroyed street.“You had better call the President and get that permission.”Down the street what little bit there was of the Davenport Police Department was hiding behind what cover they could find. As the Colonel and his troops arrived the Iowa State Police were also just arriving on the scene.The brightly colored armored bussed were lined up on a semi circular patter in the parking lot of the strip mall. The strip mall itself completed the fortification. Yarn Man knew that this meant trouble. They were planning to stay whether the good people of Iowa wanted them to or not.“Do you have a weapons son? Are you mentally stable enough to handle a weapon?”As the Colonel asked his question Yarn Man pulled a .357 Magnum from a concealed pouch in his utility belt. With a fair amount a trepidation the Colonel got out of the vehicle with his new buddy.“Lock and load, Baby!” exclaimed Yarn Man as he jumped out of the Hummer. His side kick Yarn Dog only whimpered as she followed her slightly touched master.“Hey I heard that Dude.” whined Yarn Man who had still not learned to not argue with the dashing narrator.

Colonel Molson and his pink clad compatriot made their way to the State Police Command post that was set back from the fort made of Busses.

“You can put that thing away until your need it.” stated Molson referring to Yarn Man’s .357 Magnum. “And what manic taught you how to use that thing?” asked the Colonel who was sure he was going to regret the answer.

“Jimmy Buffet and Kurt Russel all those Hollywood Types are packing heat. In this day and age you never know what kind of evil is lurking around the corner.”

“Like knitting Japanese music critics.” mutter Molson to himself as he pushed open to door on the large RV that function as the Police Command Post.

And the odd pair walked in everyone was crowded around a table at the far end of the trailer. A captain in the State Police turned to see Molson ad nodded for him to join them. Yarn Man’s pink jump suit gave him pause but he had already been warned about him.

“This is what we are fighting Colonel.” stated the Captain as the pair came up to the table.

Laying on the table was a headless little girl in a bright plastic metallic dress.

“They are some kind of Robot. Our small arms and even shot guns don’t work on them. This one got hit by a fire truck. It is the only one that we have managed to destroy.”

“They are Androids, they are much more advance than simple robots. You are going to need something heavy to take them out like 357 Magnus or BARs.” stated Yarn Man getting quite a few looks from the State Cop around the Table.

“Do you mean like Dirty Harry and really big guns from World War Two?” asked one of the cops around the table.

“The only way to put these things down is with a ton of hot lead.”

“And who are you?” asked the State Trooper Captain.

“I am Yarn Man. The only one with the expertise to handle this situation.” the captain let out a deep sigh.

“You are the expert from Homeland Security.”

“That’s right.” proudly stated Yarn Man. Yarn Dog whimpered knowing their credibility was circling the drain.

The Captain looked down at Yarn Dog sensing that he was the brains of the operation.

“And what is the purpose of this attack?” asked another trooper.

“Is there a yarn store in that shopping center?” asked our hero.

“Yes” stated Molson with a long sigh.

“She is trying to wipe out stores that refuse to sell her product.”

“They why did they attack a housing project, a trailer park and a music store?” asked one of the cops mistakenly looking for a strain of logic in this story.

“It was to throw us off.”

“Of course it is.” stated another disgruntled cop.

“Listen, we can stand around here and debate the situation or we can go in there and take them out.” emphatically stated Yarn Man.
”We have them penned up what can they possibly do?” asked another cop.

As if the cop had been tempting fate they could hear a rumbling from the make shift fortress of armored busses. They turned their attention to a window in the command center just in time to see a small rocket rumble up from inside of one of the busses. The rocket fleet over the mobile command center back down Kimberly Ave. where Yarn Man had just come from.

“Colonel, there is something wrong with the Android.” stated one of the troopers as they stepped back from the table.

The assembled cops and military personnel stepped away from the table as the skin melted off the android and began dripping off the table.

“It’s their self destruct.” gasped Yarn Man as he pulled his .357 out of it’s hidden holster and ran out of the command post.

At his heals was Yarn Dog with a bark as he raced toward the brightly colored busses. Next in the relay was Colonel Molson who waved for his soldiers to join the maylay as they went. On the run her raised up his .357 and began firing at a satellite dish that was moving on the top of one of the busses. Noting his target Colonel Molson pointed to one of his troops and then to the target.

He Soldier leveled his missile launcher at the target and fired off a round that obliterated the dish in fury of fire. Yarn Man paused and lower his weapon and turned back to Colonel Molson.

“I bet Kurt Russel didn’t have one of those.” dryly stated Molson as he jogged up to Yarn Man.

That evening the captured knitters were saved and Yarn Man and his trusty Butler were on the Rock Island Arsenal waiting to return home. Colonel Moslon had asked them to stay for a while.

Molson returned to his office when his staff had put Caine and Yarn Man to wait for him. Caine was having a brandy and cigar, Yarn Man was having a diet Coke.

“Sorry to keep you both waiting.” stated Molson as he entered the room.

As Molson sat in his chair he noted that Yarn Man’s associate was wearing a plain black mask to hide his identity.

“So do all male knitter’s wear masks.”

“Wouldn’t you wear a mask if you were associated with him.” stated Caine just before he took a long drag on his cigar.

“Point taken, I am sorry to keep you. I received a message from the Secretary of Defense that he wanted to speak with us.” replied Molson as he reached into his humidor and pulled out a Cigar.

“The Secretary is on the line for you.” stated a disembodied voice over the intercom.

“Put him through.” replied Molson as he hit a button so the call would go over the speaker.

“Colonel, Yarn Man, I just got out of a meeting with the President where we discussed the situation out there. We were reviewing the plan you sent us Yarn Man.”

Colonel Molson gave Yarn Man a look to say Oh my God, he sent the President a plan. Caine just shrugged in response as if he wanted no part of it either.

“I am afraid that we cannot assassinate Kathy Lee Gifford. Other than that your plan is a go.” continued the Secretary of Defense.

A shudder of horror went through Molson’s spine as he realized the United States was giving this lunatic cart blanche.

“We have filled in all of our Missile Silos not in use so we cannot give you one of those for your base of operations. And Cheyenne Mountain is not being used by the Star Gate SG1 people anymore so it is available for you to use as your base of operations. Your Air Wings can use Paterson Air Force Base.”

“Thank you very much Mr. Secretary.” beamed Yarn Man with a stupid grin on his face. Both Caine and Molson rolled their eyes in unison.

“No, thank you Yarn Man. We are expecting a great deal from you and your team. If you don’t mind I have some top secret stuff that I have to discuss with Colonel Molson.” continued the Secretary

“No problem Mr. Secretary Dude.” stated Yarn man as he jumped up and left the room with the masked Michael Caine following behind.

As the door closed behind them Molson told the Secretary of Defense that they had left.

“Don we have a situation here. These people are out there and no one in the Pentagon has any idea how to deal with them. This whacker is the only one that has any connections in the Yarn Underworld. I don’t know what to tell you. The President is willing to give him his bat cave and all the equipment and personnel he needs to solve this. We must not have any attacks on our soil.”

“I understand Mr. Secretary.”

“I reviewed you records and we think you should head up this new command.”

“Sir, I don’t know anything about this.”

“None of us know anything about any of this. Still, you have experience at commanding civilians and have done many joint operations with other nations. And the Whacker likes you.”

“Well as long as the guy in the pink jump suit is on board I am willing to go along with anything.” glibly retorted Molson.

“You’re the best officer for the job, Brigadier General Molson.”

“Thank you very much Mr. Secretary.”

And so the sun sets on another adventure with Yarn Man. And a new hope for protecting the free yarn world begins to form.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Too Busy to Post Much

I had a supper busy Sunday. We have a bad three alarm first near my house. Two families lost their homes. Pray for them if you pray.

In knitting news I dicovered the Judy scarf is too big for my ap bag. At Charity Knitting at Knit 1 the Judy tore my ap bag. On the up side I got my sewing machine working again. It just needed to be taken apart, oiled and a new spring on the feed dogs.

Since the sewing machine is working a spent the better part of today making a bag for the Judy. It should be large enough for the Judy and has pockets for three skeins on either side of the bag. In theory six people could knit while walking around if they stayed close enough together. It should be done for knitting on Wednesday.

The Brigade and I are getting ready for the Judy KAL on Saturday. I went to two stores today and neither had Mexicana by Red Heart. I fear that the Brigade and I may have exhausted the Red Heart Mexican supplies for North America. We are going through six to ten skeins a week at this point. I do believe there is Surgeon General’s warning about coming into contact with the much Red Heart in such a short period of time. If there isn’t someone should look into it. I am a bit worried that the Judy Scarf is eating up a disproportionate share of the world’s oil reserves. Well it is worth doing a little damage to Mother Earth for a really cool scarf.

Also everyone who can get to Homestead is welcome to join us this Saturday. Just post a message and bring a side dish or dessert. I will post directions tomorrow. Still it is basically one block from the High Level Bridge. We have a dozen people coming thus far and room for more. Not only can six people knit on it at once but there is weaving in to do in the center of the scarf. It will be the knitting even of the week, at least in Homestead.

Well the bag for the Judy is in the washer. I think that is all for this evening. Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.
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