Friday, October 12, 2007

Good Mornig Sunshine - Extream Clown WMD

It has been a good couple of days. Besides the snarky comments about my stand on welcoming men it has been fun. At last count I have been invited to three groups and have heard about men trouble in three other groups.

To the folks in Texas, German and Jacksonville thank you for the invitation. If I ever get out your way I will stop by. To the men or women who love their particular man who told me about troubles in their knitting paradise. I sympathise and wish you well.

I have emailed them about trying to get control of their group with ground rules. And when that fails I find that a seltzer bottle or super soaker is a good way to deal with people that have male knitting problems. By the way I am a professional. Do not go around seltzering people on your own. People could get hurt.

If you are going to Seltzer people here are a couple of simple ground rules:
Aim high - Depending on your bottle their is an arch to the seltzer. If you are going long rang you will have to aim over their head.
Practice - Like everything the more you do it the better. I have a range of dummies in my back yard. I use it to practice sneaking up on people and the always hard over one person's head to hit the person next to them.
No tap water - If you are going to use a seltzer bottle you have to be classy about it.
Sound Effects - A little goes a long way. I knew someone that used a horn. This took away from their aim. If you are going to use noise makers you need a partner. It is like military snipers. One to set up the shot and other to take the shot.
Surprise - The first time you shoot someone at your knitting group surprise will be on your side. After that you will need to hide the bottle. Make it into a fake lamp. Keep it in a bag. When used effectively it can be a knitting WMD that will keep chatty and gossipy people in line.
Watch the Yarn - For the love of Mike don't hit the yarn. practice the head shot. If you can make them run off you might even get yourself some nice yarn in the deal.
Remember this is a general guide for those that are not going to listen to my recommendation not to do this. And if you must do this it is only for extreme cases. Do not go shooting the person who is knitting an ugly hat. They need a yarn intervention not sniper fire from a would be clown.
Also on the good news front I am without splint. My doctor thinks I am doing well. As a programming note he is a surgeon and has stated he make not claims on on my sanity either way.
Be safe out there and keep your stick on the ice.

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