On a rather large island in the Mississippi River stood the Rock Island Arsenal directly across from Davenport Iowa. The base’s commander Colonel Don Molson looked out over the mighty Mississippi to the smoldering city of Davenport. The island had already been locked down as reports of an armed militia in the city made the local news media. The Mayor of Davenport has already call the colonel looking for support. Helpless to do anything he only has 250 military personal. The rest of his base was made up of civilians who operated the military production powerhouse. He had requested a squadron of fighters and contingent of attack helicopters from near by Scott Air Force Base.
“Sir, the Scott County SWAT Team has engaged the force along Kimberly Ave. They tore up a housing project demanding to know where the yarn is.” stated the Colonel’s assistant Lt. Gary as he rattled off the report from the local police.
“What kind of transport are they using?” asked the Colonel trying to get a clear picture of the situation.
“They are using heavily armored busses. They are decorated in bright colors and have Japanese symbols on them.”
The Colonel decided that they were probably not a threat to the Arsenal. Still, why would they attack a Housing Project.
“Get my driver and a fully armed squad, I want to see this for myself.”
As the insurrection in Iowa continued we return to our Hero as he and Michael Caine installed machine guns on the Yarn Jet. As they went about their work the jumbotron computer screen activated stating there was a priority message coming in.
Yarn Man’s Butler played by Michael Caine stood up and walked over to a control council. Typing in a few characters he revealed a dignified Japanese gentleman sitting in a board room.
“How can we help you Mr. Chairman.?” asked Caine recognizing him as the Chairman of Clover Needlecraft Incorporated.
“Yarn Man, we had a theft last night..”
“David Arqutte pulled himself out from under the jet. As any good superhero would he was in full costume while sitting around his secret lair. His pink jump suit clashed with dark caved as he walked toward the large screen.
“What did they take?’ he asked allowing his keen investigation technique take over.
“They stole a new motorized version of the Wonder Knitter. It is Titanium and capable of knitting 52 meters of icord a minute.”
“Wow that must be an incredible gadget.” stated Yarn Man in awe of the new device.
“Yes, it is most powerful knitting gadget we have created thus far. We are fearful what might happen if it falls into the wrong hands.”
“I will get right on it Mr. Chairman.”
“Thank you Yarn Man, you are our only hope.” at that the screen went blank.
As Yarn Man began to contemplate where the stolen item might be. Michael Caine began to search for clues on the internet.
“Perhaps the Auddi Turbo people stole it to catch up with their competition.” suggested Caine as his brilliant mind looked for possible solutions.
“At least the narration had improved in this story.” continued the brilliant British Actor.
“Yeah, but should the characters really be able to hear the narrator? question the slightly dull Yarn Man.
“Not cool, Dude.” simpered the girly Yarn Man.
“I find it is best if you do not argue with the narrator.” suggested Caine with another brilliant deduction.
“Well the Narrator does not hate you.” cried our super hero unsure of his masculinity.
“You see what I mean.” as Arquette simpered the alarm on the jumbotron went off again.
Caine looked over to the screen and hit the button to receive the massage. The screen flickered to life with the image of a police officer standing in a busy squad room.
“Yarn Man, I am Captain Leroy Roberts of the Davenport Police Department. We have a situation.”
“What is wrong Captain?” asked the pink clad hero.
“An army of Japanese Androids are attacking Davenport. They tore apart a housing project and tired up three street gangs with some sort of knitted rope our experts call icord.”
“I will be right there Captain.”
As Yarn Man prepared to take off for Iowa Colonel Molson and his troops arrived near where the Android Army had first attacked. The street had been torn up and the destruction centered around a record store.
The Colonel walked toward the record store that was surrounded by debris and destroyed cars. Paramedics were cutting down the last of the gangland victims. As he walked toward the record store he picked up something that first appeared to be rope. Upon closer inspection it was something knit out of wire. Flanked by well armed troops he entered the destroyed shop.
The store’s owner sat crying in his hands as and EMT tried to calm him down. Above the desk were the remnants of the wire used to tie him up.
“What happened here?” demanded the Colonel. The distraught store owner looked up.
“I don’t know man. These little Japanese girls came in here and started tearing up the Hip Hop Section. They used a flame thrower on the Country Music section and tied me up. They sang me a song and left those CDs.
The Colonel picked up one of the CDs. It said it was from a group named Morning Musume. The Colonel couldn’t read Japanese, still, it was clear that it was a Japanese girl band.
“What could they possibly want?” He murmured to himself.
The Jackalope (Lepus-temperamentalus) is one of the rarest animals in the world. A cross between a now extinct pygmy-deer and a species of killer-rabbit, they are extremely shy unless approached. None have ever been captured alive and this rare photo (often criticized as fake) shows a mighty buck about to strike. Known by the ancients as "deerbunnies", it wasn't until the early 1960's that the modern more fearsome name of "jackalope" was adopted. It is written that you can extract the Jackalope's milk as it sleeps belly up at night. The milk is belived to be medicinal and can be used to treat a variety of afflictions. The truth is these creatures are aggressive and unpredictable, and should not be provoked for any reason!
